Waste of a Sunset
So I watched "After the Sunset" yesterday. Yes, thank you, Ms. Hayek. They are very nice. You can put them away now.

I watched the movie because it had all the trappings of an Elmore Leonard film. A cast of criminals and thieves, one big score out there, backstabbing, betrayal, and lies. I'm a huge fan of Elmore Leonard, books and movies, because I like to think. I like movies that let me think, and I love movies that force me to think.

This is not one of those movies. It makes me think of a frat house, where in a drunken stupor, the whole fraternity decides to make an intrigue movie, "So, look, all we need is, like, a thief and a cop trying to catch him, right? And the thief's trying to get this one big diamond, and they are, like, outwitting each other. That would be righteous." Somehow, I have absolutely no trouble seeing Woody Harrelson playing the drunken frat member.

Seriously, 'National Treasure' had more intelligent theft plans. The whole thing was written poorly, from Salma Hayek's constant display of sex (SFW sex, if it matters), to Woody Harrelson's idiotic blundering.

Speaking of Salma Hayek's assets, I noticed something kind of odd while watching the movie. As any male in a civilized society, I recognize moments of weakness that I should look away from. For instance, if there's a woman in a low-cut V-neck blouse standing in front of you, and she drops her pencil, you are consciously aware of your line of sight. Maybe you're into that kind of voyeurism, and you blatantly check her out. Myself, I deliberately avert my eyes, the same way I do when the person in front of me at the ATM is typing in their password.

Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against appreciating the female form. In fact, I like it quite a bit. But I can't bring myself to take advantage of a moment of weakness. It's like violating whatever tenuous relationship you already had with that woman. If she doesn't mean to flash me, I'll look away. If she rips her top off and says, "Hey, whaddaya think of these?" Well, that's a whole different ballpark (a nice ballpark to play in).

If you do that often enough, avert your eyes to avoid mutual discomfort, you get to where it's second nature. You don't even recognize that you're doing it. One minute you are looking at the woman in front of you, and then you're checking your watch for no reason. The funny thing is that, while I was watching "After the Sunset" I found myself subconsciously looking away from the movie because of Salma Hayek's "accidental" displays of cleavage. The best example was when they opened up the hood on a SUV, and she climbed on top of the engine, with her shirt hanging open. Suddenly, I'm looking through my bag of popcorn. Sad, really.

Back to the movie: This was the biggest waste of Don Cheadle since "Oceans 11", and the biggest waste of Pierce Brosnan since, Hmmm . . . let's see, the "Thomas Crown Affair". In fact, that's what this whole movie reminds me of. The Thomas Crown Affair was another example of atrociously stupid writing in one of my favorite genres.

I don't want to keep ranting, so I'll just leave you by saying, it failed to reach the lowest common denominator, and that's coming from an American. I believed "Armageddon" more than this, for crying out loud.

- posted by BrandG @ 11:53 AM