Reverse Halo
So, I'm standing in the post-purchase line at SAM's club (you know, the one where they make sure you didn't steal anything between the checkout line and the door). They've got an overhead camera, with a TV monitor to let you know that if you did try to steal anything, they would be able to identify you by the back of your head.

For me, it's a depressing sight, because I've been losing hair since my early 20's. By now, I've got the Jack Nicholson receeding hairline, and a Franciscan Monk hairdo coming from the back of my head. Now, I don't mind having hair, I don't mind being bald, but being in between just makes you look desperate. You just can't comb your hair without it looking like a combover. Usually, I can ignore it, and I look okay in a mirror (just as long as I don't put two mirrors together to see the back of my head). And, of course, I've got dark hair, so my bald spot shows up like a reverse halo, glimmering happily in the TV Screen.

Anyway, I'm staring up at the monitor when the ticket marker walks up to me, and draws a highlighted line through my receipt. I say, more or less to myself, "Good grief, I'm bald."

She looks up at the monitor, then smiles at me and says, "Just date short women."

I think about my waifish, five-foot five wife, and that actually makes me feel better.

- posted by BrandG @ 11:22 AM