People for the Ethical Spiritual Treatment of Animals (PESTA)
< disclaimer >
This one was weird. It seemed like a funny idea at first, but
as I fleshed it out, it started sounding like something
real. I wonder if the Onion ever has to deal with that.
< /disclaimer >

People for the Ethical Spiritual Treatment of Animals (PESTA), a radical Christian offshoot of the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, released a statement today decrying the use of animals in behavioral studies.

When asked about how PESTA differs from PETA, organization president Norman Kyle responded, "PETA has always been worried about the physical well being of animals. For that we applaud them. However, PETA has only considered the physical side of an animal's well being. If one is to argue, as PETA does, that an animal is equal to a human in all important respects, then we must consider the implications of the animal's psyche and the animal's soul."

Animal-testing labs have long been a target of PETA protests. PESTA however, largely ignores these labs in favor of behavioral research projects. Kyle, "PETA says it is wrong to keep pets, and that we can certainly agree on. But holding a pet in luxury is psychologically insignificant compared to the heinous atrocity of these behavioral research labs, where a rat lives in a cage with a lever that either elicits an electric shock, or gives a food pellet. There are dozens of these experiments, all warping the minds of innocent animals for the scientists curiosity."

"The Lord says, 'Whatever you do unto the least of these, you do unto me'. So we swear to stand with our friends, the dog balancing a treat on his nose, and the rabbit selecting which color lever to push."

"Wherever there is a rat in a maze, we will be there; and one day we will all be free."


- posted by BrandG @ 2:16 PM